The Horror Drunx get a undeserved bad rep sometimes from people that think we are biased against films we don't like. Well, we ARE biased. We want the
Horror genre to be better and stronger. Is that really so bad?
The end result is that most of the time when we warn people to not see a film or to boycott it, then they go and see it anyway and realize everything bad we've said about it is true, we win those people over and they realize that they want to be Horror Drunx too!
Here is just one of the many reviews sent to us unsolicited from one of those people. He has given us his permission to print it here. It has been edited for legnth and spelling.
Feel free to add your own reviews of this film below.
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From: ashtray (674100)
To: http://www.msplinks.com/M...vVGhlSG9ycm9yRHJ1bnguY29t href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vVGhlSG9ycm9yRHJ1bnguY29t">TheHorrorDrunx. com (1865201)
Date: Feb 15, 2009 9:36 PM
Subject: "How Michael Bay Ruined My Friday"
So I saw the Friday the 13th remake on Friday. I must admit, I do not like remakes.
Then came the 'boring as a "Rock" and the disasterous disaster film "Armageddon". Then "Pearl Harbor" then "Bad Boys II". Each of these movies cost more to make than me you and 6 of your cousins will make in our entire lifetimes combined! And are not worth a dime.
After that, little mikey decided "I can produce things and still make money! "Hey, I have an idea, people will pay to see horror films! Now, I have no interest in horror films and (probably) have never seen one, so I cant think of an original idea, but I have/love money, and can try to remake some of the greats that I hear so much about!"
That's when "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (THE REMAKE) came out. Then "The Amittyville Horror" (THE REMAKE) then "Texas Chainsaw: The Beginning" (THE SEQUEL TO A REMAKE) then "The Hitcher" (A REMAKE) all produced by Michael Bay.
So that brings us to about a year ago, "Friday the 13th" was announced and I vomited for 13 days straight. Then I stopped and thought about it....
So that brings us to last Friday. I see the movie. And it was the worst piece of shit I've ever seen. The dialogue made me cringe! I was embarrassed for the people who were paid to say these things in front of a camera. Every other line was a pointless gay joke or a sexual inuendo. People don't REALLY speak like that. Do they?! Are we all THAT moronic?!
Why was Jason taking a hostage?
AND FUCK ME FOR ADDING TO THE REMAKE PROBLEM BY SEEING IT OPENING WEEKEND, PAYING FOR A TICKET, AND HELPING MAKE IT THE NUMBER ONE FILM! Which is all that Bay and these Platinum Dune people need as ammunition to shout "LET THE SEQUELS BEGIN!!".
The end result is that most of the time when we warn people to not see a film or to boycott it, then they go and see it anyway and realize everything bad we've said about it is true, we win those people over and they realize that they want to be Horror Drunx too!
Here is just one of the many reviews sent to us unsolicited from one of those people. He has given us his permission to print it here. It has been edited for legnth and spelling.
Feel free to add your own reviews of this film below.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
From: ashtray (674100)
To: http://www.msplinks.com/M...vVGhlSG9ycm9yRHJ1bnguY29t href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vVGhlSG9ycm9yRHJ1bnguY29t">TheHorrorDrunx. com (1865201)
Date: Feb 15, 2009 9:36 PM
Subject: "How Michael Bay Ruined My Friday"
So I saw the Friday the 13th remake on Friday. I must admit, I do not like remakes.
So that brings me to Michael Bay. Michael Bay is a wallet shaped man with dollar signs for pupils. He started off doing music videos for Meat Loaf and Tina
Turner. Then went onto commercials. Remember that whole stupid "Got Milk?" campaign that for some reason became a staple in pop cultue? yea, that
was his idea.
After working with Nike, Reebok, Budweiswer, Coca-Cola and every other product you see inbetween blinks, he made "Bad Boys". Not the "Bad
Boys" from the 60's, not the Sean Penn "Bad Boys" from the 80's..the one from the 90's were the 'Fresh Prince' and
'Martin' and "cool" cops and do "cool" cop things. I don't think I'll every think it's possible for a cop to be
"cool".
Then came the 'boring as a "Rock" and the disasterous disaster film "Armageddon". Then "Pearl Harbor" then "Bad Boys II". Each of these movies cost more to make than me you and 6 of your cousins will make in our entire lifetimes combined! And are not worth a dime.
After that, little mikey decided "I can produce things and still make money! "Hey, I have an idea, people will pay to see horror films! Now, I have no interest in horror films and (probably) have never seen one, so I cant think of an original idea, but I have/love money, and can try to remake some of the greats that I hear so much about!"
That's when "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (THE REMAKE) came out. Then "The Amittyville Horror" (THE REMAKE) then "Texas Chainsaw: The Beginning" (THE SEQUEL TO A REMAKE) then "The Hitcher" (A REMAKE) all produced by Michael Bay.
So that brings us to about a year ago, "Friday the 13th" was announced and I vomited for 13 days straight. Then I stopped and thought about it....
Each of the 11 previous 'Jason' films are pretty much a parody of the previous. They have a very slowly, very confusing, continuous plot. And each
new director seems to do a thing or two that contradicts a previous diretcor's addition. So as time went on, I convinced myself it was hard to fuck up a
'Jason' film, and that the new one would basically just be like part XII to me, not so much a remake. I mean, come on, look at "Friday the 13th
part IX: Jason Goes to Hell" that movie breaks every 'Jason Law' in the book, and I still love it to this day.
So that brings us to last Friday. I see the movie. And it was the worst piece of shit I've ever seen. The dialogue made me cringe! I was embarrassed for the people who were paid to say these things in front of a camera. Every other line was a pointless gay joke or a sexual inuendo. People don't REALLY speak like that. Do they?! Are we all THAT moronic?!
I understand there is sexual humor in the previous films, but it's light hearted and at appropriate times. I also found myself confusing all the male
characters, because they were all walking boners that looked and spoke alike. The 2 main "characters" were the only decent people, but still, there
was nothing to them.
The previous films at least gave a little insight to each characters past and through development gave each a personality, that way you felt something when
he or she survived or died. Then there were all the Jason "WHY"'s I had to ask myself...
Why was Jason taking a hostage?
Why was Jason an electronics wizard?
Why was Jason running and jumping like an olympian?
Why was Jason growing pot?
Why was Jason digging underground tunnels?
And where was Jason's machette for most of the film?
Every death scene was also a carbon copy of one from a previous film, nothing unique. If anything, unique cool deaths are a key in a Jason film. When the bodycount thing is all a film really has going for it, at least make the deaths interesting. Make us go "woah!" or "wow cool!" if that is all we have to look forward to.
If I showed any 3 of the previous 'Jason' films to my 92 year old grand father, I'm confident he would get the idea and at least make a watchable 'Jason' film. It's not that hard of a formula. I don't know why everything needs more action and more explosions and more breasts and more idiotic people. The previous films had just enough of each.
It's like Michael Bay and his buddies got the rights to a gold brick then said "Hey, let's melt this down, shit in it, mix it up, then reform it. People will pay to come stare at it for an hour and a half!!!"
SO FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY!!!
Every death scene was also a carbon copy of one from a previous film, nothing unique. If anything, unique cool deaths are a key in a Jason film. When the bodycount thing is all a film really has going for it, at least make the deaths interesting. Make us go "woah!" or "wow cool!" if that is all we have to look forward to.
If I showed any 3 of the previous 'Jason' films to my 92 year old grand father, I'm confident he would get the idea and at least make a watchable 'Jason' film. It's not that hard of a formula. I don't know why everything needs more action and more explosions and more breasts and more idiotic people. The previous films had just enough of each.
It's like Michael Bay and his buddies got the rights to a gold brick then said "Hey, let's melt this down, shit in it, mix it up, then reform it. People will pay to come stare at it for an hour and a half!!!"
SO FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY!!!
AND FUCK ME FOR ADDING TO THE REMAKE PROBLEM BY SEEING IT OPENING WEEKEND, PAYING FOR A TICKET, AND HELPING MAKE IT THE NUMBER ONE FILM! Which is all that Bay and these Platinum Dune people need as ammunition to shout "LET THE SEQUELS BEGIN!!".
For that reason FUCK EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO WENT AND SAW IT TOO! Now we are doomed to more mediocre films for that stupid action.
And I hope your ready for 2010 when Michael Bay presents the remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" I'm not even kidding...I wish I was...FUCK!
"My name is Mike Koopmans and now I am a Horror Drunx too!"
And I hope your ready for 2010 when Michael Bay presents the remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" I'm not even kidding...I wish I was...FUCK!
"My name is Mike Koopmans and now I am a Horror Drunx too!"
Mike Koopmans
Richmond, Virgina
Richmond, Virgina
