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An exclusive HorrorDrunx.com article
by
Lucy Tate

In 2007, Alice Cooper released his long awaited autobiography. I, being an Alice fan since I was a wee lass, was waiting for a bio written by the Man himself (with help of course). I first saw the book at BIG 5, a sporting goods chain store in Southern California. I was curious as to why it would be here of all places, so I picked it up and started reading.

Chapter One was filled with metaphors (all beautifully written) about alcoholism, the game of golf, rock and roll and how the three saved Alice from a rabbit hole he had fallen into back in the 1970's.

One problem. I know nothing about the game of golf and actually find golf tedious and rather boring, no offense to Alice or any one reading this who may enjoy the game of golf.

However, since I know virtually zip about golf, the first chapter was a yawn session with me trying to grasp what he was saying. I wanted to hear all the decadent tales of Alice Cooper the band and the Man; juicy tidbits about the groupies, drugs, sex, and, of course, rock and roll.




Flipping through Chapters Two and Three I was disappointed by what I was reading and decided to wait until the book was a remainder on some bargain bin at Barnes & Noble, because that was where it was going to end up eventually.

It did.

I recently picked up Alice Cooper: Golf Monster at a Barnes & Noble, sure enough, on the sales and value isle for 5.99.

I still wanted to read all about Alice Cooper. He had a major effect on my life. When I first saw him in the early 1970's it was on the "Real Don Steele Show" and, later, "The Mike Douglas Show." My tiny six year old head about blew off. I went crazy. Nothing would ever be the same after my encounter seeing Alice Cooper perform on those shows and, later, live.




The book was very difficult for me to get excited about it or want to read it.

Here is why:
The book is divided into Chapters of 12 anecdotes, so to say, revolving around golf and how the game eventually saved Alice's life. In between the golf tales were the stories I wanted to read; about Alice Cooper, the band and the man.

On the pages of Golf Monster, Alice talks candidly about his entire life and career, as well as his struggles with alcohol, how he fell in love with the game of golf, and a subsequent stay at a sanitarium back in the late 1970's to try to kick alcoholism. There was the brief "falling off the wagon" before Alice put the final nails into in his addiction's coffin, by getting up every day at 7 A.M. to play golf!



Alice, at times, writes his memoirs with a flair of humor, poignant and touching, with often surprising stories about some of his friends- rock and roll's elite. Alice was also good friends with comedians George Burns and Groucho Marx. Who knew?

Everyone is in this book from The Doors to Led Zeppelin, golf legends like Tiger Woods and John Daly, even Salvador Dali and Elvis Presley make an appearance.

Still, despite my love for Alice, this memoir bottomed out for me. I could have done without all the golf references, but I suppose that was, after all, an integral part of Alice's story that had to be written about.After all, when you really think about it, Alice did trade in one addiction for another.

Yes, the book was a story of his life but it was also a story about golf, a sport I know nothing about, and when I have attempted to watch it, bores me to no end.

Kudos for Alice rising above his demons and getting fit and healthy. Did you know he has become what is referred to as a "Pro AM " competitor in golf? Neither did I. Evidently, Alice is one great golfer.

And Alice did this all the while recording, touring, releasing albums and battling his well known addiction to alcohol.

Who knew that the the master of the guillotine and blood splattered stage antics, the top hat wearing, and cobra carrying, inventor of the shock rock genre was secretly wearing plaid pants and learning how to swing a "High draw" and a "Hook?




There is even an Appendix titled, Alice's Golf Clinic. Really. There is.

While this memoir didn't fully live up to my expectations, it still was an interesting read at times. I admit, I tended to skip over the parts that got to golf "tech" for me.
Will this book appeal to Alice's fans? I suspect it will, provided the game of golf is also of interest. They can always skip the heavy golf stuff like I did. Will it appeal to golfers who, because of the game, got turned on to Alices' music. Maybe.

The one thing Alice said in the book that stuck with me is this: Alice was/is a provocative man, at times complex, always fascinating and full of joie de vivre.

He gives the reader some great advice as well:
"Surround yourself with the most interesting and talented people you can - celebrities, pros. Whoever plays better than you. Whoever inspires you."



For me, one of those people was Alice Cooper. In the early 1970s, Alice became, literally, my mentor, the person from whom I sought advice ( I used to talk to my Alice cooper album covers) as I grew up; a weird, skinny little girl in a suburb of Los Angeles, where people were still dressing like either hippies or in retro 50's styles (not that those styles are bad, just not my thing.).

I adored Alice's ghoulish creepy look and emanated it, much to the chagrin of my parents and school teachers.




The odd thing is, that after reading this book, I have done some digging into the game of golf. And you know what, dear reader? It isn't as boring as I thought.






"My name is Death Dolly and I an a Horror Drunx!"


Lucy Tate
a.k.a. Death Dolly
Montebello, California
October 2009